Monad

Monad
Episode 45

First was a golem ..... then was man ...... and the end is Monad.

In Tuonela (The Eighth Self)

Episode 44

The Eighth Self

Soon after I left my seven selves on the shores of the humming seven seas .... a long trip in my otherness ..... mine and mine only .... a pledge or a promise ..... a long lapse of reason ..... induced reason ...... "you're alone" ...... I fed my very self with this ....... the sun sank in Tuonela and the horizon was soon in seas of amber before my mind's eye and it was filled with content of my bosom's core ...... my heart poured out all the words I wanted to hear and I fed my own mind with darkness in my heart ...... I've found the virtue I lacked in my years of self deceit ...... "you're alone" ...... "you're quiet" he said ..... "but I can see something else in your eyes" ...... True my new fellow ...... for my kind cannot stand a chance against the malice left behind by you creators ...... the art of lying with reminiscence..... the art of mayhem ...... I was welcomed to my own Tuonela ..... Throughout the years of writing this manuscript that will once be revealed in a world where I am deity itself I have never had my mind's eye open wide as it is now .... All deities were alone ..... and along the way to the eighth self at the gates of Tuonela I've learnt I should lose human to deity as I lost beast to human at the gates of unchained perception ....... I've waited long enough but in this yonder world there is nothing to wait for ...... waiting is what we do on a way from being to nothingness ..... and my eighth self is far beyond nothingness and long gone from the conditional being that has always been associated with a sense of otherness and was never as self evident as nothingness itself.

In My Otherness

Episode 43

I thought you crossed my mind .... no .... you've always been in there ...... isness .... the nightmare ..... where we could never meet each other ....... invisible ....... yes we have been .... even to each other ...... factual ... solid ... indifferent skies ...... cupric and lead .... silver and rainy ...... washed out all that in my head ...... and in my otherness ..... I met you ...... and on my way to death I planned to be a beholder ...... and though in otherness I know I am in a blind spot ...... I loved the beholder in me ...... and for I've never loved ..... I treasured the bystander ...... a turmoil born in my bosom ...... in my isness I felt locked in the vast space ..... I felt I'm on a pedestal like that of a demon ...... the hunchback in the sight of all the perfect creatures ...... and all I had in my mind was "In this otherness ..... I met you" ....... but now I know .... in this otherness I've dwelt alone ..... for your eyes have always been on dwellers of the isness.

Humming of the seven seas

Episode 42

"Humming of the seven seas"

"A piece of myself was left on every shore of the seven seas." .... Thus my soul yearned ...... "Take me back to each one of the seven seas ..... there we will meet my seven old selves."

I raised myself from a long slumber I can't reckon how long it lasted .... may be a year .... may be a week ..... the first sea was silent yet anxious and full of ungainly silent cries .... as if it knows nothing about waiting.

"Gallow me now or let me call haste ..... I know something must be waiting on another shore ..... ominous be it or gracious ...... or be it another Plutonian shore ...... let Hades walk me through it if this shall be what you are hiding from me." ..... Thus murmured the first sea.

I walked along with my soul to the shore of the second sea ...... contemplative it was ..... an empty soul with something lost or unknown ..... some seeker or beholder lost inside.

"Bestow upon me the mundane and the magic and let me through." ..... Thus murmured the second sea.

We were thus washed out to the third sea ..... confused .... it seems to have swallowed more than it can comprehend ..... yet it had a greedy soul.

"As the heaven that lies above both of us gives this sea though it knows it has plenty ..... my hunger shall not know satisfaction."

And thus we left to the fourth sea .... it was worn out .... lunatic ..... with endless tides .... as if the moon was touching its surface all the time ..... no sun shines upon it ... sullen and scary.

"I reach out ..... I reached out for many years ...... The last hand I sought pushed me back to the cave ..... They want the same man who stood once with confused eyes before the shore ...... But a man who saw it all will never be the same again."

We followed the footsteps to the fifth sea ..... it was desperate ..... deaf and blind.

"I was swinging between beast and man ...... and thus I became a madman ..... and thus I have been outwitted by the dimwitted ...... and thus ..... I sheltered in the cave"

The sixth sea was a cryptic portrait ..... the shore felt like an exile and it was hardly understood by us.

"Lord ..... For I am the creation, let me be the lord where I am .... Let me create my language ..... my prophecies ..... my miracles and messiahs ...... let me be."

By the time we reached the seven seas we heard noises ...... only noises ..... and a man was washed ashore ..... lifeless.

"The seas are not so pleasant ...." I said to my soul.
"So were you when you left your cries on their shores and they kept echoing in my ears ...... the humming of the seven seas are not but the prayers left by your seven souls from the day you met the shore till the day you left it for good."

Apology

This is not an episode .... this is a pure apology .... this blog has been where my creation lived .... all I did was grasping a dialect by which I would speak to myself and where I wouldn't bother being understood ..... Four years of writing metaphors .... but this blog belongs to a deity long gone .... here was my creation .... I can no longer make it .... I do apologize not to a certain person but ..... I can't make it 

The Fable

Episode 41 Him: "Is your philosophy going to find a way out of your paracosm?" 
Me: "I was never a philosopher .... I was only thought to be one." 
Him: "Free?!" 
Me: "Hated .... Outcast ..... Misconceived." 

Him: "Not unusual ..... Your windowpane felt so cold."
Me: "I've poured out my mind through this windowpane ..... yet I was resting safe behind .... I've let the flood disturb conformity occupying my inside ..... logic did not suit me at all ....." 
Him: "Logic kills ..... it feeds naught but itself .... verily .... it feeds naught but its very self ....... there was only one way out ..... the paracosm ...... the otherness ..... for being as it is ..... seems cruel and lifeless .... a life to which there is no isness within me."
Me: "The paracosm .... The isness to my illogic truth ..... I went after Reason ..... I found her crippled .... she was resting amidst some barnacles ..... an old hag ..... she was said to have been a pretty enchantress ..... Alas my fellow .... This was not but a slumbering lie that had no room in my paracosm."
Him: "I didn't know how you felt when you pressed against her cushion ..... to me ... all i felt was being completely obtained .... enclosed and hallowed ..... and then she gallowed me in her arms ..... have i had the power before she sent my mind to slumber I would have treaded with all strength on her silk and gold woven clothes of this heavenly being that got me on her wave length and made a slave out of me ..... I ... in my isness ... was devoured by her charm .... her scent .... her very being."
Me: "I .... being the madman ..... with this look of otherness .... had naught but the cryptic writings on the walls of my cave ...... she meant nothing to me but the birth of the new age dogma ..... Alas .... I'm dogmatic about my disbelief in a a deity named reason ..... how presumptuous of people to turn your creation to your goddess!"
Him: "The pathetic part of the fable is when they beheaded her." 
Me: "And then .... Sophie was throned on my paracosm"

In the Realm of Faun (In Remorse)

Episode 40



"Greetings"

I raised my head ..... it's the scent of the Faun.

"Gloomy Sunday, isn't it?" I murmured ....

"Not really .... A nostalgic scent .... here I helped you awaken" He said.

"It was a whim" Said I.

"You always love the whim ..... everyone is soothed being outwitted by someone else .... You can't find your way back."

"From abyss to abyss"

"You gazed deep into your abyss so long .... it gazed back at you ..... you gazed at the dead for long ...... you're too dead to die"

"I cannot take the same pain being inflicted on me millions of times .... apathy of the living ... was the real hell ..... how I wish amnesia was a premeditated action ....... the content of my heart has not been outpoured yet ..... but words are a cripple ..... my mind is paralyzed ..... Faun"

"My nameless friend .... the day you came seeking Faun's help and I leaned on you I didn't need your words ..... I assure you it was no whim ..... you did not belong to the living ...... you died before taking your own life ..... I have to praise your persistence as the end was the beginning and yet you preferred awakening .... futile ..... I know I gave you hell but were you not there anyway?"

"Nameless? ....... The name that was written on my stone was ... Grace ..... how presumptuous of whoever gave me the name."

"Making a Faun smile is a miracle ....... but getting a Faun to feel remorseful is beyond a miracle .... forgive me."

"I understand ..... it was beautiful when it was only about picturing things .... but we cannot live what we picture ..... we even think death is a friend ..... Death was a profound dream ..... and my reincarnation was a retribution"

Absurdity (The Noose)

Episode 39

Damien: Four years in search for me?

Crow: You were the lost one and the destination ..... my temples are now burning with thoughts of why we had to part.

Damien: How long have you spent in denial?

Crow: almost a decade ..... and about three decades on insanity ...... only my lucid dreams were the opiate.

Damien: Absurd .... I found serenity in the noose .... but this I was not even given .... I was taken down like a witch ..... I only lived and this itself was my rebellion.

Crow: You lived like a ship in the ocean.

Damien: I've learnt from the universe .... it's indifferent ... absurd ..... and limitless ..... unlike earthly creatures.

Crow: The poetic grace ..... Alas ... there's no escape from dystopia ..... and when I lured the so called immaculate I met them down in the realm of Hades ..... I was once again condemned as heretic.

Damien: Heresy is the ebony rose of rebellion in full bloom ..... There was a room in your mind where the uninvited had a lot to fear ..... this is where you dwelt .... you were gullible ..... credulous .... you've let the immaculate into your own hell ......

Crow: How discourteous of the living locking us completely in graves taking what was suitable for them and leaving behind what we believed made us.

Damien: The countenance you wear is so unusual my blind fellow ..... you're burdened by what you could never outpour.

Crow: Slumber is the orison and the opiate .....